Hey, guys. It’s me, Emma/Eva//supercalifragilisticespicalidocious. It’s my first post. The first real one, anyway. So we’re all doing Mary-Sue’s this week, right? And perfect timing, too. I was just reading a book, and I felt like throwing it at the author’s face. She’s this cute old lady, though, so I resisted. That, and I have no idea where she lives.
Anyway, I won’t say who it is for fear of ruining her reputation. The book looked promising on the shelves of the YA section of the library(You know, the place where teens who are ditching school go? I’ve always wondered why those skater kids are always there. Perhaps it’s the free computers.) I know I shouldn’t go there. It’s a horrible place, filled with Mary-Sue’s by the dozens, cliches by the thousands, and just overall bad writing.
I shouldn’t be too mean, though, because goodness knows how awful my writing can be sometimes. Particularly during NaNoWriMo. But I do my best not to let those darn Sues enter into my writing.
I’m getting off track. Back to the story, it was about this slave girl who had just escaped from the south. We’ll call her Sue, even though that’s not her name in the book. She’s on her way to a safe house, when this ‘young, handsome, strong-looking man’ stops her. She immediately falls in love with him, because we all know that that’s what you’re thinking about when you see someone on the road after non-stop running for months. Yep.
Well, apparently, he falls in love with Sue, too. That little, wretched looking, teenage girl. Dirty, tired, beaten up. Love at first sight, eh? Here’s the funny thing: The guy’s sister thought that Sue was a BOY. But of course, this dashing young man, the talk of the town, falls in love with a dirty, tired, beaten up, boy-looking girl. Questioning his sexuality?
Nope. It’s just the divine beautifulness of Sue. She’s the most wonderful girl on the planet, but she has self-esteem issues. Yep. Can’t we have a wonderful girl in a book that KNOWS that she’s pretty? We all know that that is how most of them are in real life.
We then fast forward in time to the welcoming idea of a bath. Sue steps inside the tub, only to realize that she turned the water brown with how freaking dirty she was. SEE?! I TOLD YOU SO. But oh! She looks to the left and sees that the mistress has left another clean, hot tub next to her. How does she know the tub is hot? There could be steam rising from it, yeah, but really? If it’s THAT hot, she better not get into it for fear of losing her sanity.
It’s possible that the tub wasn’t clean, either. It could be infected with bacteria by the million gazillions. They like damp things. She better not drink that water. Even though she had that thought in her head, but something(the author, perhaps?) told her that it wouldn’t be a good idea.
Sigh. So. This has pretty much been a rant, and most likely didn’t help anyone at all, whatsoever. I hope I’ve made at least one person laugh. That person may be Lauri, because I know she finds me hilairious. Absolutely hilairious.
And this ends my post. Until next time, mah luvlies.